That Was Then, This is Nuts
by ororomunroe531
Summary: Everyone's favorite mouthy mercenary shows up in Bayville! Oh god. What am I thinking. Deadpool... Running around loose with the Danger Room, chimichangas, and the X-Men children at his disposal. Hold on to your hats, folks. Loro in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, Laaa-aaance!" a voice warbled into the sleeping Avalanche's ear. "WAKE UP!"

"Aaagh!" he yelped as he fell off his bed in fright. "Whaddaya want, Quickie?" he groaned.

"You gotta get up! You gotta get up!" Pietro yelled excitedly. Lance rolled his eyes and decided to humor the hyperactive mutant.

"I'm up. Now what's all this about screaming me awake?"

"There's a chick downstairs!" Pietro had a gleam in his eyes.

"Yeah. Wanda. Now go away," Lance flopped back down on his bed and covered his head with the beat up pillow.

"No, not her! This new chick! Calls herself Domino."

"Oh god!" lance groaned from under his pillow. "Is there also a guy in a red and black battle uniform, won't take off his head piece?"

"Uh. Yeah. Do you know them?"

"Unfortunately." Lance threw the pillow on the floor and stomped out of his room in only his boxers.

"Go away, Wilson!" He yelled when he got to the kitchen. At the grimy dining room table, there sat none other than Neena Thurman and Wade Wilson, AKA Domino and Deadpool.

"My, my, my, little Avalanche. You grew up," Neena purred.

"Unlike you," he quipped. She pouted.

"Hey! We came here for a reason!" Deadpool piped up. "Um… Do you have any chimichangas?"

"That wasn't our reason, Wade," Neena reminded him.

"Oh. Yeah! Where's Wolverine?" he demanded of Lance.

"Try the Xavier Institute, dumbass."

"Is that how you talk to your savior!"

"You're not my savior!"

"But I killed foster parent bastard dude! That makes me your savior by default!" Wade whined.

"It does not! I got stuck with worse people after that!"

"Well that's not my fault, now is it? I'm a mercenary, an assassin! He had a hit out on him!"

"Isn't the Xavier institute that big mansion due north?" Neena broke into the argument she'd heard about a dozen times before.

"Yeah, that's the one, doll." Pietro had sped into the kitchen after he cleaned up a bit and was now leaning on the back of Domino's chair. "Why you guys looking for that bum, anyways?" She shoved him off her chair.

"Not 'you guys,' just Wilson!" she corrected. "I'm just supposed to make sure he gets there okay. And out of all the other fuckin' gunslingers, why did they choose ME?" As her tirade anded, she got out of her seat. "Well, thanks for the help, Rocky. Come on, dumbass."

"Hey! You should be nice to me! I could just go ahead and get myself lost when you're not looking. I'm your next paycheck! So Ha!" Wade said without getting up.

"Yeah, or I could shoot you in the head. At least you'd shut up for ten minutes."

As the two walked out the door, the brotherhood stood around in their kitchen.

"I'm hungry, yo." Toad finally broke the silence. "Let's go to burger king!" they all nodded and headed out the door.

AN/ I was having writing withdrawal. So here you are, a bright and shiny new fic!


	2. does that mean her middle name's banana?

**KNOCK!**

**KNOCK!**

_Ding-Dong!_

_Ding-Dong! _

_Diiinnn-G-Dong!_

KNO—

The door to Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters flung open.

"All right already! I'm here! At the doo—Who are you?" Kitty said as she gazed upon a pale woman and a man in a gaudy battle suit.

"Here! Take him! I've had ENOUGH!" the woman shouted as she shoved the guy into the doorway. He fell on Kitty.

"Oof—Geroff!" She said. The man lifted himself halfway off of her.

"Whad'ja say, sweetcakes?" he asked.

"Get OFF!" She yelled. Deciding to speed up the process a little, she phased away.

"Hey!" Kitty yelled after the woman, who was now hopping into a black jeep. "Who is this guy and, like, why are you dumping him _here_?"

"He's Deadpool, and ask Weapon X!" and with that she sped away. Slightly disgruntled, and very confused, Kitty turned around to face Deadpool. She was about to ask him if he would like to see the Professor, (read: lightly force him up the stairs to the prof's office) and how he was connected to Logan's past. Instead she covered her ears.

"Oohhh, JIMMMYYY!" he quietly shouted at the top of his lungs. (yes, ladies and folks. The author is a mite sarcastic. Watch out for that.)

At this, several other students, Beast, the Professor, and Logan ran into the foyer to see what the commotion was all about. Logan took one look at him and, "Oh, god! Not you!"

"Aww, Jimmy! Didn't you miss me?" he whined from under his mask.

"Jimmy?" Bobby snickered to Amara. Logan growled.

"No. I didn't miss you at all," Logan tuned back to Wade. "What are you doing here?"

"Long story short, work kicked me out."

"You're a mercenary, dumbass," Logan reminded him. "How the hell did you get kicked outta _that_ job?"

"Well, remember that thing I did at that bar in China?"

"Which time?"

"Third trip."

"Oh, god. Yes I remember that. Please tell me you didn't do that again?"

"Um… I didn't do that again."

"You're lying. Oh god you're lying."

"Yeah. I did that again. Now nobody will hire me. So! I need a new jo—"

"NO!" Logan growled.

"Now wait just a moment, Logan, I think we should at least—"

"No way, Chuck! This guy is a literal psychopath. We will NOT expose children to him!"

Just then, Rogue came down the stairs.

"Uncle Wade!" she shouted. He ran up the stairs to her and grabbed her into a crushing bear-hug.

"Anna-Banana!" He shouted as he twirled her around.

"Rogue's name is Anna?" was the unanimous murmur.

Rogue and Deadpool were oblivious to everything else. "What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"Ah kinda live here. What are _you _doin' here?"

"I'm here for Jimmy," he motioned randomly over his shoulder to where Wolverine was standing. Standing utterly baffled, that is.

"Huh? Oh. Ah forgot you called him that."

"Forgot? How did you even know in the first place?" he was sure he'd never mentioned Jimmy to her. She held up her gloved hands and wiggled her fingers.

"Powers came in."

"Oh that sucks… HEY!" Wade whirled around to face Logan. "You touched her! That is the only way she could have absorbed your memories! How dare you! Shame on you! Teacher-Student relationships are frowned upon in modern society! Did you at least take her up to your Canada Cabin?"

Needless to say, by this time Rogue was blushing brilliant red. Many in the room were astounded to see that Logan had a light flush on him, too. Of course, that was probably due to rage rather than embarrassment.

Rogue socked Wade in the arm.

"Ow! Jeez, Anna!"

"We are not like that you dumbass!" she yelled in his ear.

"Why is everyone calling me that today?"

"Because you are one! God Wade, I ain't no kiddy-fiddler! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Like, Mr. Logan!" Kitty reprimanded. "Little ears, please!" she motioned to Jamie.

"Hey!" he said. "I'm not a baby! I've heard the word fu—"

"Jamie!" Kitty started.

"I think it might be best if we took this into my office," the Professor spoke up.

AN/ I love scenes where there are two or more characters talking about random, shocking things in frontof a large group of people. LOVE. Anyway, there you have it. New chapter. Tune in next time for… Well whatever. I can't think right now because I am in a shitty campsite with shitty fucking allergies and shitty internet that cuts out all the fuckin time and I can't swear out loud at the top of my lungs when I feel shitty. Screaming foul words works wonders to take your mind off of crappy predicaments. Alas, this is a church function and having a bunch of old biddies judge you sucks ass. So I'm swearing the fuckin ass off myself right here. Behold my foulmouthery. Behold.

—**Zandra**


	3. Gyp Job

"So. Mr. Um…?" Xavier asked Wade, who was alone with him in his office.

"Deadpool!" Wade chirped.

"Alright, Mr. Deadpool…" the professor stopped a moment. "Why are you here at the institute?"

"I need a job. And somewhere to stay. Nobody will hire me anymore." He pouted. "And they bombed my house. It had my whole collection of Bea Arthur DVD's!" He looked like he was about to cry.

"Well then, what do you think you can bring to the institute?"

"Bullets."

"…"

"And guns."

"Not what I was thinking. What do you think you could do for us here? As a job…" the professor was starting to wonder how wise this decision was.

"I can teach the students how to shoot guns!"

"And…?" Xavier prompted.

"Oh! Oh! I know, I know, pick me! Pick me!" he said, waving his hand in the air. The professor looked at him expectantly. Wade didn't get the message and stood up to wave his hand as high in the air as he could. The professor leaned his elbows on his desk and put his head in his hands.

"Yes, Mr. Deadpool?" he 'called on' Wade.

"I can be security! Like a guard! I'm good with taking intruders down! And guards!"

"I thought you said you would _be _a guard."

"Yeah!"

"Then why would you need to take down guards?"

"Um. That is classified information."

"Alrighty then." Charles looked up at Wade again, taking his hands away from his face. "How about you lead training sessions with Logan's supervision?"

"Aww! I can do it by myself!" Wade whined, sounding like a five year old wanting to pour his own grape juice.

"That is my final offer."

"Yes! I'll take it! What's my pay?"

"Room and board. And food."

"No… Money?"

"The instructors at the institute are all students of mine that have stayed on. They don't require pay. When they want money, they look for a real job."

"That's… That's kind of a gyp."

"This institute is nonprofit. I use my money to feed the staff and students, and to make the numerous repairs having large numbers of mutant teenagers in a house calls for. This is a safe haven for learning… Not a business, Mr. Deadpool. Mr. Deadpool?"

Wade was nowhere in the office.

"This is going to be interesting."

XxXxXxXxX

**AN/ PLZ REVIEW PLZ KTHANX**


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